So, I was reading Josh Flanagan's post on Ifanboy yesterday about why he hasn't succeeded in writing comics. A bold post, and truthful. There are a lot of people out there that want to write, let alone write comics, and the truth of the matter is, that it is fucking hard to sit the fuck down in front of a computer and let it come out of your head.
Last night while writing it felt as though I was pulling teeth. I wrote five pages of script, in a time it would take Stephen King to write a novella. Thing is, I like how those pages turned out, they wielded all sorts of surprises, and I have a feeling that they will look amazing when they are penciled.
Something I know now that I never knew a couple of years ago when I committed myself to finally writing everyday (well, not everyday, but I have written a lot more) is that writing is a task, and a job. Being a comics creator is amazing and painful, with some super-highs and lows along the road.
But that doesn't stop a lot of people. I've been on Indie Planet (http://www.indyplanet.com/store/) lately perusing the talent, looking at others efforts, and I tell you there are some amazing people that you and I have never heard of. I work with someone like that, German Ponce, the luckiest find in my comics career. There are some amazing artists, writers, inkers and colorists out there chasing after their dreams.
If they are anything like I am, they're not doing it for glory or fame, but because they have to, because there is something in our brains that says "This is something you have to do". It scares me sometimes that I'm doing it. Where will the rest of the money come from, or how will people receive it? There are a lot of reasons for me to quit. Thing is, I'm a stubborn OCD bitch with a brain full of venom for quitters, so I don't see that happening anytime soon.
Another thing that I'm excited about: finishing this project so that I can start on another one. I was reading Daytripper last night before I went to bed, and it reminded me just how much I love this medium, and just how far you can push it, and I wanted to be done with this superhero story of mine and onto something else. That is another thing that would be a kick in my project's balls, the ability to not focus on something longer than three seconds. I've had a dozen interesting ideas since I started this project, possibly more, and there are days when I am burning to be finished with it and to move onto something else. I think when it has been wrapped up, I will miss it though.
I also realize that I have sixty-six pages left to wrap up a story with about a thousand characters in it, and I feel like wringing my hands and taking out little chunks of my hair in fear. This is the hard part, the part where I have to prove my mettle, and be bold and daring and brave. I have to finish this off well or else all of the rest of it will fall flat, all the amazing and impossible moments that I have written have to remain that way, if the climax is a shitty bunch of shit, I am going to bust my house of cards into a million pieces.
But I've been dreaming of this a long time and I don't think that's going to happen. Y'see I've had this all planned out for awhile. I know how it ends, I know the secrets, I've got a goddamn chart, a notebook, and endless other pieces of info on my computer about this. I'm going to finish it, but that is just going to be the start. One more thing that I have realized. Until you see that last page printed, its not over. So more work it is.
So, here it is, Josh and all the others out there, and me especially, let's be big dreamers. Let's be passionate and feverish over our creations and just go with it. Let's take the eye of the beholder and show it that success isn't something that someone else tells us about, but it is the pride we have when we set down that last page and breathe a sigh of relief in the fact that we have created something that we are proud of, something that no one can take away from us, something that we can champion, show to our kids when they're older, and pick up and read while saying "I can't believe I was ever that bad".